he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My penis needs a shock collar
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
