Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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