just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
