I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
