What a fucking waste of an outfit
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
