My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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