If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
