You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize