physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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