All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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