Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
