So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
