If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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