can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
