i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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