Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
