Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize