You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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