fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
