I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
