Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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