Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
