My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
