Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize