My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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