I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
