That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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