Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
