My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize