i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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