worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
