operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
