Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
