Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
