she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
