Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
