I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
