Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
