On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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