JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
