shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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