glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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