i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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