did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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