I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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