I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All the doctor said was why
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
