you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Bring me that man meat
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
