Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude i'm inner monologue high
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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