I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
