I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize