my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize