Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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