I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
