I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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