Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
