Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
