I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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