I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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