Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
