Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
