Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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