He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize