I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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