i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
