I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
