he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
