I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
