if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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