"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
