I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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