Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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