The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
