Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
