Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize