I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
