I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
