You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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