neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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