She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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